Favorite Beer

I need a new favorite beer.

I was shopping at a Safeway that happened to sell Mickey's Malt Liquor. Being my current favorite beer, I had to buy one.

I say current favorite because my old favorite, Anchor Steam, is no longer being made. So Mickey's moved up from number two to number one. My old third favorite, Red Stripe, is now number two. I like Red Stripe because it's not too expensive, yet very pretentious. Also, it's what Gnossos drank in BEEN DOWN SO LONG IT LOOKS LIKE UP TO ME.

I currently have no number three. So I guess I actually need a new third favorite beer.
By volume of consumption, my third favorite would seem to be either Budweiser or PBR, but those are just the default choices when only industrial beers are available. I considered Old Style as a favorite. It's what I drank in Iowa, but just because it was cheap.

Next in line would seem to be Guinness, but it's too expensive to be listed among the favorites. I dwell only in the realm of proletariat beers.

Oh yeah, I hate IPA. So don't even go there. And nothing with fruit flavors! No wheat. No unfiltered. You can see how difficult I am making this.

I guess the only reasonable course of action is to try every other beer in existence until I settle on a new third favorite. Sounds like a plan.