Lonely Introvert

Let me start by apologizing to all my friends who live in New England. I have been here for months and have visited none of you. It’s inexcusable, but please excuse me. My social energy supply is running very low.

It’s amazing how things in your life can be going so well, yet depression never releases its grip. My introversion has built walls I can’t seem to scale. Yet I have this need growing in me to be with people.

I’ve been trying to fulfill this need by going to comedy shows. The trick is that while you’re surrounded by people, there is very little interaction. The illusion of a society. This has not however satisfied my needs.

Am I just going through the social motions? Do I really feel the need to be around people, or do I think I’m supposed to want to be around people? What do I want from these people? What do they want from me?

Some of these questions were answered today. While taking the RV out for propane and gas, I got to chat with the propane guy and a couple fellow customers at the gas station. I enjoyed talking with these people, but the encounters were fleeting by design.

So I do need human interaction, but with boundaries and control. It’s always control with me. One of my great weaknesses. Perhaps it’s time to fling myself into the void once more.