I’m beginning to suspect that the man who lives in our tool shed doesn’t exist.
Bike Shaped Objects
Randolph stood across the street from the graffiti Jesus. The body was painted normal, in proportion to the cross to which it was nailed, but the head was huge. A giant caricature head hanging down in despair like a bobble-head with a busted neck spring. The savior’s eyes were security cameras, not painted, real. They were there long before graffiti Jesus appeared. These eyes really did follow you as you walked by. That’s why Randolph stood here. He wanted those eyes to see him. Wanted the slime-ball he knew was glued to the monitors to know that he was coming.
Advanced placement Sesame Street: Remember boys and girls, if you don’t share you’ll be just like an unstable isotope.
Randolph heard the drums in the distance. Hippie noise pollution he thought then listened. Hidden in the chaos of clamber was something that didn’t fit. A rhythm that wasn’t one. Randolph climbed the path up the hill towards the noise. In the little meadow on the other side he saw the drum circle banging away. He stood looking down on them listening for what was wrong. Soon the drummers started trading solos and the fifth soloist was the one. No simple banging the bongos. She was sending a message. So simple. Three short, three long, three short. Morse code. S.O.S.
Seriously, given my record so far in this series, this was my best race.
There were 11 of us including several first-timers. The first session was really smooth which meant that it was really slow. I placed 6th but my best lap was only 25.17 which is at least half a second off my best. With the newcomers is was tough to get any rhythm going.
The second session I improved to 24.887 but fell to 7th. The kart for this session had really long brake travel and the first few corners were quite an adventure but once I got used to it it worked well.
I started the race in 7th but going into the first hairpin the karts in front of me bunched up and the guy who started 6th braked early and I stuffed myself into the inside of the corner. He had to go wide and I was well ahead before the next corner.
Two laps later it was almost a carbon copy. Same corner, same move, same results. I was up to 5th. I’d been on his tail for about a lap and I kept pulling out and he kept looking back so I knew it was just a matter of time.
It took a lap to catch the next racer. I started swerving back and fourth behind him which seemed to make him nervous. Then coming out of the hairpin he turned to look for me and hit the barrier. We were side-by-side at the next corner but he backed off. After I got past him he started trying way too hard and kept hitting the barriers.
I was slowly closing in on 3rd but time ran out before I could get close. So I finished 4th out of 11 which according to my unofficial calculations puts me in 4th in the championship. With one race to go 2nd place overall is mathematically impossible but 3rd isn’t.
If you look deep into the eyes of a snake you’ll probably get your nose bit.